Help Your Child Open Up

Parents need strategies to get the conversation rolling and the feelings out

Visiting the penguins is a comfort—When 3-year-old Benjamin is reluctant to go to the Pediatric Specialty Center at Lehigh Valley Hospital for checkups, his mother, Amy Hehn of Andreas, reminds him he’ll get to see the penguin sculptures. “He loves to hug them,” she says. The penguins, donated to the center by the Philip and Muriel Berman Foundation, help ill children express their feelings.

"Hi, honey. How was your day?"
"Fine."

"Did that test you were worried about go OK?"
"Yeah.

"Did Jason tease you again?"
"I forget."

Sound familiar? Similar conversations are taking place in kitchens everywhere, as parents strive to get children to open up about their feelings. What can you do?

If you have a young child, play activities can help you discover what’s happening in her world, says Danielle Goodwin, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist at Lehigh Valley Hospital and Health Network. “Play helps a child learn how to communicate, socialize and resolve conflicts.”

Goodwin often uses puppets as a third party for children to talk with or through. “They feel safe because attention is not focused on them,” she says. “Use the puppet to create a story, then identify the characters’ feelings. Let the child take the lead, and don’t be judgmental.”

Playing house or school or drawing pictures also are great techniques, says Goodwin’s colleague, child life specialist Vanessa Gramm. “Ask your child to draw something about his day, while you draw something about yours. Then talk about what’s in your pictures.”

With older children, play may take the form of a card game or round of basketball. The idea is to find time to be together in a relaxed, natural way. Another great technique: talking while riding in the car.

“Don’t bombard them with questions or they’ll become overwhelmed,” Gramm says. “Talk about what’s going on in everyone’s lives, and allow for silence. They may be thinking about what they want to say.” When a child of any age does open up, give her your full attention and be mindful of your body language and tone of voice. Accept what she tells you without nagging for more or jumping to conclusions.

With a stubbornly silent child, find out if he’s talking to someone else. Sometimes it’s easier for children to confide in a grandparent, family friend or teacher than a parent. You can invite that person to tell you if the child says something you should know about, but otherwise “don’t break their bond or badger for details,” Gramm says.

Families often can benefit from counseling as well. “We think we should be able to handle everything ourselves,” Gramm says, “but talking about an issue in a session or two with a counselor may be all we need to resolve it.”

Want to Know More about using puppets and other communication techniques with children? Call 610-402-CARE or click here:
• Using Puppets to Help Children Communicate
• A Reading List for Parents
• Communication Tips for Parents

Published from Healthy You Magazine, March-April 2008

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